Cinderella Story (circa Jan 2004) - nothing flashy, nothing special, nothing to gain. Even their name “Bob” can be no plainer. Playing up to their potential seemed elusive – what was the point? Most had basic skills – few beyond high school ball – but their potential stemmed from something else – another elusive place, their heart. Did these late games mean anything more than exercise? And very little exercise since the games are played only once a week. Yet in the lateness of the night a job was at hand. After 15 losses could Bob get the job done? Would they ever get the job down? Would they ever have the heart. Well ladies and gentlemen, Bob came, they saw, and they kicked the X-Men’s ass. Final score 14 to 5. The pace was blistering the shots on goal relentless. Within the opening minutes of the second half Bob had not just defeated the X-Men, Bob had broken their spirit – their will to live. What a great feeling inside and what heart Bob demonstrated.
Eric Winton their keeper, obviously pumped up from his single goal in the match was overheard in the locker room during an interview with Fox Sports World -
“Eric, can you describe to us what is good about this victory".
“Yes”, replied Eric. “To crush your enemies. To see them driven
before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women, this is good”.
Glenn, one of their star defenders who poked in a hat trick last night and who would rather hang out at the Evening Star in Alexandria reciting poetry than be on time for the soccer game was overheard confessing to one of the players on the bench, “Yea, when I rolled over on their keeper late in the game I gave him a shot in the junk – just to make sure he knew I was there”.
Marcus “Aurelius” Schulthess was overheard in deep meditation just prior to the match –
“From my grandfather I learned good morals and the government of my temper. From the reputation and remembrance of my father, modesty and a manly character.
From my mother, piety, and abstinence, not only from evil deeds, but even from evil thoughts; and further, simplicity in my way of living, far removed from the habits of the rich… but tonight from the memory of the past 3 games we have lost, I have learned to hell with what I have learned. I will have my vengeance." And vengeance he did have - hammering five goals past a bewildered keeper and tallying far too many assists to count.
Randy, a striker who scored during the match, was seen wandering around down at the Patent and Trademark Office on Monday morning. Apparently he was seeing if he could get a patent on his now famous step over the ball, dribble into the corner, dribble out of the corner, and don’t pass until it’s too late technique. He was a little disturbed to find Jim Muccio ahead of him in line, submitting an application for the same patent. Jim was the only player not to score during the match – he won the patent since he has the play perfected and it was declared by PTO to be a unique but questionable science. Randy will be working on intellectual rights for a new variation of the play later in the month.
Jim Planeaux, the team’s tall “Harksian” mid-fielder, was finally dialing in his shots. Jim scored and had many shots on goal that were saved by a frantic X-Men keeper. Jim has not won a game with the team in 15 attempts. He didn’t know if he should cry out of shear happiness for the win or shear embarrassment over the record. Also, the team manager was looking for a common denominator in all those lost matches. Hopefully he hasn’t found one.
Kevin, another star defender who also scored during the match was seen cavorting with the enemy. Apparently Kevin is not the only one on the team who knows the player on the X-Men who goes by the name “Eric the Well Fed”. Kevin not only shut down The The Fed's advancing offensive shenanigans, he is the architect of the now famous, BoB FC wishbone defense. Perhaps Kevin played a bit too much of the wrong type of football when he was growing up.
And last but certainly not least – the final member of the team to score on Sunday, Jim “Don’t call me Horshack I was never on Welcome Back Kotter” Horejsi wearing his brand new BoB FC Jersey and sporting the remnants of a long pony tail. When asked what happened to his pony tail Jim replied, “ I just don’t happened to have it … Handy”. Sure you were not on Welcome Back Kotter, Jim. Sure you weren’t.
Fuz failed to show for the match. Later, when confronted in the locker room by the shear prowess of Marcus Aurelius, Fuz was heard to say, “Oh yea, I scored five in one game last year”. Must have been the one Jim Planeaux didn’t attend. Good thing the team reporter keeps good records.
See you all next Monday night at 7:00. Bring your hearts.
